In my opinion, the article by Jane Citizen was certainly better written than the one by John Doe.
From the outset, John’s article felt more like a rant
than a well thought out, reasoned comment on any particular issue. The point of his article, assuming there
actually was one, was unclear at best.
While he proceeds to make a number allegations aimed at the airline
industry, few if any of his sources are either credible or verifiable. Referenced sources such as “My cousin, who
must remain anonymous”, “My personal 20 years of travelling experience” and
“Wikipedia” add little of substance to the article. He presents a number of second hand anecdotes
and personal observations, but offers nothing in the way of an evaluation or
explanation of the issues he describes. The
overall feeling of the piece is that the writer has made no real attempt to
properly research the issue beyond hearsay, conjecture and his own personal
beliefs.
Aside from the content in John Doe’s article, his sentence
structure and grammar make for a very jarring experience for the reader. His writing style features many short,
incomplete sentences followed by longer, rambling run-on sentences. The whole article reads very much like a
first draft, “train of thought” style of document that is still waiting on a
proof-read and final polish. In the end,
the reader is left wondering exactly what it was that John was trying to
convey.
In contrast, Jane’s article is much more polished and
professional in its structure. Her
article includes proper citations and references, and her sources are mostly
from relevant industry journals and academic papers. The overall flow of the document is much
easier to follow, leading to a much greater understanding of the message that
she is trying to convey.
Rather than being a rambling amalgam of vaguely related
ideas and personal anecdotes like that offered by John, Jane’s article deals instead
with one particular aspect of the airline industry; the rostering of flight
attendants. Jane identifies the topic of
her article early and does so clearly and concisely, leaving no doubt where her
article is focused. Jane’s article
offers an explanation of the issue of flight attendant rostering in a way that
is accessible and understandable for those not directly involved in the airline
industry. She then goes on to describe
the different ways in which this issue is handled around the world and offers
some insight into evolving ideas and technology that offer a better solution in
the future.
In conclusion, Jane Citizen’s article was significantly
better written than John Doe’s article for the following reasons:
- Jane’s article focussed on one particular topic and offered a succinct and enjoyable explanation of the topic. John’s article was a rambling rant filled with conjecture and hearsay.
- Jane appeared to have researched the topic and included verifiable sources for her information. John’s sources were vague and of suspect provenance.
- Jane’s grammar and sentence structure were greatly superior to John’s making the article much easier to read.
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